Life · Personal Thoughts

Brain VS Body VS Heart

I’m in the middle of serious life crisis and lately, I think a lot. My brain keep thinking and thinking and thinking until I have to be reaaallly tired so I can get to sleep. These past 2 days I’ve been caught a flu and took some medicine, it also helps me to sleep faster. But I know taking on medication is not good. What I need to do to help me sleep faster actually a settlement upon my crisis.

My friend Hira yesterday told me, “Kok lo malah nggak bisa tidur sih? ‘Kan ini lo yang mau, dia juga udah setuju? Udah tenang dong lo harusnya?” I told her selama palu belum diketok dan surat belum ditandatangani, saya belum bisa hidup dengan tenang. Otak ini akan terus berpikir, hati akan terus khawatir, dan efeknya adalah susah tidur itu.

Last night I went to sleep on 11-ish PM, only to be awaken by 12.30 AM for..I don’t know why. Tried to go back to sleep but I ended up scrolling over instagram to get my eyes tired and sleepy again. Duh, brain, what is wrong with you? Why can’t you just stop thinking and give commands to each of my organs so they keep me alive. No need to process on thoughts whatsoever.

I never thought that this ‘heart’ business would involve brain and body as well. I thought it’s okay to have this heart ruined as long as I still have my brain and body functioned normally. Turns out, brain, body, and heart comes in a package. You can’t expect the others functioned normally while the other is malfunction. And vice versa.

I have to find a resolution for my self before this internalization of sadness dragging me down. I just want to be functioned normally, again. Please brain, be cooperate and let my body get healthy. And you, heart, your job is to pump blood, not to be involved in emotional feelings.

Personal Thoughts · Social

Marhaban Yaa Ramadhan

Di jalan pulang tadi, gw lihat laki2 berbaju koko+bersarung dan perempuan2 bermukena (jangan ketuker), beramai2 jalan ke masjid untuk tarawih.

At that moment, I thought: betapa beruntungnya orang2 itu, bisa beribadah tarawih rame2 sedangkan orang2 di mobil depan/belakang gw pasti ada yg sedih nggak bisa tarawih pertama krn masih kejebak macet. Then I realized, di Jakarta, selain harga tanah dan gedung kawinan, bisa tarawih pertama bersama di masjid adalah sesuatu yg mahal. Kemewahan yg tidak semua orang bisa dapatkan dgn mudah..

Selamat memasuki bulan Ramadhan teman-teman, selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa.. 🙂

View on Path
*tambahan dari Mbak Lala: kesempatan buat kawin juga mahal! Karena nggak semua orang bisa. (Iya juga ya, kalo kesempatan buat kawin besar mah nggak akan ada spesies jomblo di muka bumi ini, catering kawinan jadi industri nomor satu, dan gedung perkantoran pada alih fungsi jadi gedung kawinan..)

Happy Moment · Personal Thoughts

A Bowl of Memories

Dulu jaman masih mahasiswa, gw suka banget makan di pasar beringharjo, makan cap jae (cap cay jawa, yaitu sejenis masakan ditumis berisi wortel, kol, potongan daging ayam dan adonan tepung digoreng lalu dipotong kecil2, rasanya enak deh pokoknya) atau bakmi jawa atau soto daging, minumnya es jeruk atau es cincau. Kalau mau lebih rame lagi ada es campur, yaitu es cincau dikasi cendol, sirupnya ditambah santan. Lapak cap jae ini sebelahan sama lapak soto+cincau.

Dulu es cincau harganya cuma 2000 (tahun 2009) sekarang jadi 3000. 6 tahun cuma naik 1000. Kalo kata temen gw, Yogya adalah kota yang tidak mengenal inflasi. Baru sekarang gw sadar, iya juga ya. Udah gitu pas gw bayar pake 5000, gw minta nggak dikembaliin, ibu yg jual senyum sambil bilang “ya mesti kembali tho mbak.”
Dan bapak penjual cap jae favorit gw udah almarhum, lapaknya dibeli sama ibu jual soto. 

Buat gw, ini Yogya yg sebenarnya. Bukan Amplaz, Embassy, XXI Jl. Solo (walaupun dulu sering ke sana juga :P). Call me low, tapi steak mahal di Jakarta buat gw nggak lebih enak daripada soto daging di pasar beringharjo, plus es cincau 3rebu perak. 🙂
Siang itu gw makan dengan perasaan campur aduk. Antara suka cita menyambut rasa yang sudah lama tidak gw cicipi, sekaligus sedih karena kehilangan tukang cap jae (may God bless your resting soul), dan terharu sama ibu jual soto yang nggak mau dikasi kembalian (kalo di jakarta mah tukang jualan malah seneng kalo nggak harus kembali). Yogya, kamu memang istimewa. – with Bernadust Bayu at Pasar Beringharjo

View on Path

Personal Thoughts

How the Universe is Joking with Us

last night I saw a post on my friend’s path. He just a had a baby, and he posted a picture of him carrying his baby with a tiger tattoo on his right arm. Badass daddy, huh? Hehehe.

Let’s call this guy Tigerdad. Actually, Tigerdad was one of my bestie’s ex boyfriend. Let’s call my bestie Kittenmum. Back in our college days, Kittenmum was dating Tigerdad for about more than 3 years, if I’m not mistaken. They were a happy couple. They fought a lot, but also went happy-cheery-funny together a lot more. On their last year of dating period they got ‘putus-nyambung’ back and forth, for several times. Tigerdad was residing in Yogya, while Kittenmum went back to Jakarta right after her graduation. They kept maintaining their long distance relationship for a year or two (can’t remember precisely) until they finally decided to split up. For good.

I remember during the period of their ‘cold war’ relationship, Kittenmum told me some about Tigerdad’s life that she couldn’t understand at all. One, Tigerdad always has a soft spot for motorcycle. He was a vespa junkie, then after graduated from college he got a new love for big bikes. It was a period when Tigerdad went on touring many many times, and one of the reason Kittenmum thought they need to break up for good was Kittenmum thought Tigerdad will be going on touring for the rest of his life and not being a responsible adult. Two, Tigerdad seems like enjoy living in his hometown (Yogya) while Kittenmum loves to be in a big city (Jakarta). Tigerdad once tried to make living in Jakarta for couple months but it didn’t work well so he moved back to his hometown and taking care his family business. Then they got separated. Kittenmum dated another guy and currently she is married to a national soldier and lived in Balikpapan with her 8 months baby boy. So did Tigerdad. He met a girl who seems like to enjoy big bikes like him and they got married, and as I told you in the beginning of this post, Tigerdad is a dad to a newborn baby boy (I guess, didn’t get the info about his baby’s gender). And guess where Tigerdad is residing right now? Jakarta city. (Jakarta suburb actually, called Tangerang Selatan, but oh well its still Jakarta anyway *and this is not a post about geographical condition, just take my story as it is :P*)

I found this situation ironic and funny at the same point. Kittenmum thought Tigerdad won’t be a grown up. But from what I see from his posts, he seems enjoying his new role as father but still having fun as a biker too. Well he went on touring less after he got married, but he is still hanging out with his biker fellas occasionally. Some of his biker friends left comments on his posts and they seem support Tigerdad as well (means they might be a father too, or a father to be, and not a bike junkie who doesn’t grow up as well). Tigerdad was not enjoying living in Jakarta, but see where he spend his life right now? As for Kittenmum, her husband’s job brought her to move out from Jakarta. She was the kind of big city girl, but her posts on path also inform me that she can live in another city happily too *thanks to the husband and the baby*

I guess it is true that we can not judge people by their current situation. Life is a process we need to embrace. Because we never knew that ‘the process’ could bring us to different situation. A situation we could never imagine before. People change. Desire change. Fate brings you to a new place, new person, new life. Wherever life has brought you right now, enjoy the process and be patient. Tomorrow might surprise you.