I’m in the middle of serious life crisis and lately, I think a lot. My brain keep thinking and thinking and thinking until I have to be reaaallly tired so I can get to sleep. These past 2 days I’ve been caught a flu and took some medicine, it also helps me to sleep faster. But I know taking on medication is not good. What I need to do to help me sleep faster actually a settlement upon my crisis.
My friend Hira yesterday told me, “Kok lo malah nggak bisa tidur sih? ‘Kan ini lo yang mau, dia juga udah setuju? Udah tenang dong lo harusnya?” I told her selama palu belum diketok dan surat belum ditandatangani, saya belum bisa hidup dengan tenang. Otak ini akan terus berpikir, hati akan terus khawatir, dan efeknya adalah susah tidur itu.
Last night I went to sleep on 11-ish PM, only to be awaken by 12.30 AM for..I don’t know why. Tried to go back to sleep but I ended up scrolling over instagram to get my eyes tired and sleepy again. Duh, brain, what is wrong with you? Why can’t you just stop thinking and give commands to each of my organs so they keep me alive. No need to process on thoughts whatsoever.
I never thought that this ‘heart’ business would involve brain and body as well. I thought it’s okay to have this heart ruined as long as I still have my brain and body functioned normally. Turns out, brain, body, and heart comes in a package. You can’t expect the others functioned normally while the other is malfunction. And vice versa.
I have to find a resolution for my self before this internalization of sadness dragging me down. I just want to be functioned normally, again. Please brain, be cooperate and let my body get healthy. And you, heart, your job is to pump blood, not to be involved in emotional feelings.